It's been awhile since I've actually sat down and written a post.. Unfortunately, that's not a sign of any change, it's just a sign of drama and craziness.. The drinking from my husband was pretty constant since my last post.. He'd be sober for a day or maybe two, but then go right back to drinking.. What baffles me is that he would go through some of the withdrawals in those couple of sober days, and then have to start all over again.. I don't think he went longer than two days without any alcohol.
Then, last Thursday things went from bad to worse.. Wednesday night he drank quite a bit, and couldn't get himself up to go to work on Thursday morning. I hate when he does that, because it is pretty clear proof that he doesn't really care about anyone outside of himself. He didn't get off the couch until after noon, and then as usual, made every promise he could think of to try and make me not be mad at him. He even promised our five year old he wouldn't drink any more. And a few hours later, he was drinking again. And that's when everything went downhill..
I don't know how much he had to drink. He claimed that he found the unopened beers that I had thrown in the outside garbage from the night before. But there were only 3 or 4 of them, and he ended up getting very drunk - way more drunk that 4 beers would have made him. So at about 9 p.m., he started in with asking me to give him money so he could go get more beer, or asking me to go to the store and buy him more. I'd had enough at this point and told him "no".
Then he went into our daughter's bedroom, into her hiding spot for her money, and I caught him taking her money. So I took the money from him, and all the money out of her hiding spot and put it in my pocket. I was so furious that he could do that, and upon counting how much was left I know now that that's how he has been financing his beer this last week or so, because there was money missing. So this made me even more adamant that he was not going to get any more beer.
So of course, he gets angry because I'm putting my foot down and telling him "no". He isn't as used to not getting his way and he probably should be, but I had just had enough. I told him to go to bed, and that I wasn't buying him beer, or giving him money to get more beer. So I go in the kitchen to heat up some leftover tacos before I start on some homework for a class I'm taking online. Our daughter sits at the breakfast bar, watching us. The argument continues, and he keeps asking for money or beer and I keep refusing him. I get my tacos made, and on a plate, and for some reason his anger bubbled over. He grabbed the plate and flipped it in the air, sending tacos EVERYWHERE. There was taco toppings stuck to my upper cabinets, dishwasher, wall, ceiling, and floor. This really made me mad, but I knew what kind of crazy I was dealing with in his drunkenness, so I just turned around to walk away from it. And as I walked away, he hit me - he basically smacked me with his open hand, across the upper left side of my back. My daughter flipped out and started yelling at him for smacking her mom.. It stung like crazy, and I went into the bathroom to see the damage. It was all bright red and sore. So I made the decision to call the cops.
One officer responded, and of course, my husband had to run his mouth to them. He's just such a jerk when he is drunk, and he thinks he is Mr. Tough Guy. He kept challenging the cop, disrespecting the cop, and not answering the cop's questions. This ended with my husband pinned to the floor, getting handcuffed while yelling expletives at the officer. I was informed that there is a mandatory 72 hour hold for domestic cases, so he would be in jail at least that long.
I'm feeling a little torn.. I feel a little bit guilty for what happened, because he actually had a temp job that could have gone permanent, and I know that is no longer going to be an option for the time he missed and will miss because of this. I hate that this is what it all has come down to. But, even though he didn't hit me that hard, or he didn't leave any bruises, I still feel like I did what I had to do. This is what alcoholics do - they take all of the choice out of your life. He left me no choice when he smacked me in front of our daughter. To take no action would be, in a nutshell, telling her that it's okay for him to do what he did. And it's not. There has to be a line somewhere, and there has to be consequences when he crosses it. I put up with enough just from the verbal garbage he spews when he drinks... There is no way I should have to put up with anything physical. Period.
So that's where I am today.. Conflicted.. And still trying to process what has happened and where to go from this point..
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